So Ashamed.

I worked so hard for about 75% of this month.  I was seeing major results on the scale at the gym.  Why then, am I only at 168 pounds on the scale in my house?

That's right, I'm officially five pounds behind schedule.  I've decided that killing myself for the whole month of April to catch up is probably not the answer.  I have 18 pounds left to lose by the end of June, so I have increased my monthly goal to 6 pounds.  Please remember my quest when you pray, meditate, cross your fingers, or whatever it is that you do.  If any of you have the power to melt fat with your mind, I could use some help.

I do have a concern.  I am trying really hard right now.  I'm eating great during the day, even if my dinners have been less than figure friendly.  What happens when I finally arrive at that magical number of 150 pounds?  I don't want to be on a diet forever.

I know, I am supposed to change my ways and create a new lifestyle.  "This isn't a diet, this is the way I am now.  I love non-starch vegetables and lean protein so much that I want to eat it for every meal for the rest of my life."  Please.  How boring is that?  I would be lying to myself.  I love pasta and bread.  I love fried food.  I love sausages and red meat.  I especially love sugar.  If I'm not eating these things, I'm on a f-ing diet.

I love making food and I love when I've made something so good that the person eating it can't help but smile.  I don't know anyone that smiles when they eat a plate of raw vegetables.  Who says, "Oh my God, these carrots are sooo good!"?

I guess the bright side is that eventually I'll get so sick of eating like a rabbit that I'll lose my appetite altogether.  That should result in some weight loss.  I've already had a few instances where I made dinner, usually when we have salads, and I look at the finished product and have no desire to eat it.  I guess I have to eat for sustenance, not enjoyment.

FML